Bahamas Blog - Bahamas Web Log

From Russia, With Love?

Here's a powerful little essay on the US failures in Iraq by Gary Brecher, who is apparently from Russia.

What The Hell Did You Think Was Gonna Happen?

I can't believe you people.

First you jump around like Alabama cheerleaders for a war in Iraq, then you turn chickensh*t once we lose a few soldiers in the occupation.

I just read the new polls. Americans are losing their war hard-ons faster than a fag in a whorehouse. At the start of May 2003, 61% said the war was going "very well." Now only 19% say that. Back in May, only 4% said the war was going "not well." Now 35% think so.

You make me sick.

What the Hell did you think was gonna happen? The Iraqis were gonna fall in love with an occupying army? "Oh thank you for blowing up our power plants and water supply! Allah be praised, now we have democracy!"

We were so sure the Iraqis would rise up once we landed. That's one feature you'll find in every bad military plan ever devised: "and then the people will rise up." That was how Bay of Pigs was supposed to go: "We'll land a few hundred men, and then the Cubans will rise up." Which they didn't, naturally. Every time a lieutenant in some African hellhole talks a half dozen of his barrack drinking buddies into staging a coup he uses the same line: "and then the people will rise up to help us." Cut to him and his friends hanging from the nearest lamppost.

The Iraqis rose all right. But not against Saddam, against us. They got a lot more upset about foreign troops in the streets than they ever did about not having "democracy." When did Iraqis ever give a shit about democracy? All they know is the air conditioning doesn't work, they have to get their water off the back of a truck, and some scared GI manning the .50 on a humvee just blew half the shacks in the village to kingdom come because he mistook a garden rake for an RPG tube.

That's how occupations go. That's what it's like. It ain't pretty, it ain't good TV, and it takes a long time to make it work.

I tried to tell you it wasn't going to be the "cakewalk" the DC chickenhawks were crowing about, but all you did was send me emails gloating about how easy the march to Baghdad turned out to be. Well, I never said that was going to be the hard part. When you're fighting tank battles in open country like we were then, you can use your air force at maximum efficiency, and we've got the best air force in the world.

But once you take the cities, it's a whole different war. I guess none of you thought it through long enough to figure out you can't use your air force when you're occupying enemy cities. You just belched up a beer-cheer while the gun-camera pix were on the evening news-and now that the occupation's getting rough, you want out.

Truth is, this occupation isn't going that badly. We're losing a man a day, more or less. That's not bad. That's just the way these things go. The British used to lose a few dozen men a day when they ran the world.

Hell, when they tried to take Afghanistan they lost a whole army. But they didn't lose their nerve and start sobbing to the pollsters. They knew it takes blood to run an empire. Even when their wars went bad, like the Boer War-and that was about as bad as it can get-they stuck with it, kept pouring in men and materiel and won. Along the way they had to do some grim stuff. Like concentration camps. Hell yes-you think Hitler invented the concentration camp? Shows how much you know.

Concentration camps were invented by the British for the Boer War.

If you want to know what kind of coldblooded hardass discipline it takes to run an empire, the Boer War is a good place to start. The Boers, mostly Dutch and French, settled in South Africa way back in the 1600s. The British showed up later and took the prime coastal land from them. The Boers fought and lost a big battle in 1842, then just moved inland to get away from the British. For a while the British left them alone. Then gold was discovered on Boer land and the Limeys suddenly decided they needed to bring the blessings of empire to those poor lonely Boers. So they invaded in 1899. They thought that one was going to be a cakewalk too. The Boers were farmers, not soldiers. But the Boers were marksmen and they knew the ground. Even though they could only field about 50,000 men against 500,000 British troops, they were winning.

The Brits didn't lose their nerve. Lord Kitchener, commanding the British forces, took a coldblooded look at the situation and realized that the Brits faced the classic problem in counter-insurgency: the Boer women and kids were acting as spies and supply line for the Boer guerrillas. So the Brits rounded up all the Boer women, kids, and old folks, and put them behind barbed wire in the middle of nowhere, the first concentration camps. Of course with thousands of civilians jammed into a few tents-open latrines, no running water, no doctors-every disease in Africa hit the Boer women and kids. 40,000 of them died.

The British weren't fazed at all. They realized the camps were winning the guerrilla war for them. Every time a family died in the camps, the news got back to a Boer guerrilla hunkered down in the bush-no more wife, no more kids, all died horribly in a camp while he was off playing soldier. Some of the guerrillas went crazy, some killed themselves, and the rest started thinkin' real hard about whether it was worth it. In the long run, reason prevailed, as the saying goes. The Boers surrendered after three years.

We wiped out the Indians' civilian population the same way, for the same reason: we wanted the land and we were willing to do what it took to get it. "Massacres" like Wounded Knee weren't accidents, they were just standard guerrilla war tactics: you kill the civilian population that supports the guerrillas. Mao said guerrillas swim in the civilian population like fish in water. So you drain the lake.

Maybe you think that's too mean or something. Well, you shoulda thought of that before you let a half-dozen talkradio morons and a draftdodger-in-chief talk you into taking over every city in Iraq.

Maybe now you can appreciate how coldblooded and smart our strategy in Gulf War I was. Every chickenhawk on the air was moaning about how Bush Sr. and Colin Powell let Saddam get away in '91, how we shoulda gone in and taken Baghdad. Still think so? Let's see Michael Savage stand on a streetcorner in Fallujah sweating in a kevlar vest, jumping every time a car turns the corner. Let's see Bill O'Reilly do night patrol through Baghdad in a Humvee. In '91 we did it the way the Brits would've: neutralized the threat, then left and let Saddam try to pick up the mess. Sure we betrayed the Kurds and the Shiites along the way. That's what empires do. The most basic tactic for running an empire is using Tribe A against Tribe B: Kurds vs. Sunni, Sunni vs. Shiite, village vs. village. If one gets too strong you bleed it for a while. Then you let it bleed the others. After a while they're all bled out and your imperial troops are the only force in the country worth mentioning.

What the Brits would be doing about now is arming the Kurds and sending them to police the Sunni Triangle. The Kurds have already asked us to let them do it. They're begging for the chance to get a little payback. They said, "We guarantee we'll have the place pacified in a week. We can read these people! You can't! We can tell who's a guerrilla and who isn't! All we need is a few fingernail-pulling pliers and a portable generator hooked up to a cattle prod or two!"

Of course we won't let them, because it'd be messy, like Sabra-Shattila times ten. There'd be dead Sunnis thicker than sagebrush. But the Brits'd do it, and it'd work. Then, when the Kurds had bled the Sunnis out, they'd recruit a new police force, all Sunni and all-volunteer, to go police Kurdistan, bleed the Kurds for a while so they don't get too strong.

That's the sort of thing you have to do if you want to run an empire. But you guys, you're just brave enough to get us into trouble and not brave enough to see it through. You want to kick ass, plant the flag on somebody else's land and blow stuff up, and then have everybody on the ground love you for it.

That's not an empire. That's a bedtime story for pussies.

By Gary Brecher
war_nerd@exile.ru

Con Artists Pulls Another Scam

Bahamian Neil Ellis is a religious con artist. After years of ripping off and conning fellow Bahamians, he finally hit on a surefire way to scam people... pretending he was a pastor.

The impish scam artist started his own church, appointed himself a "bishop", then proceeded to bilk old women out of their hard-earned cash. He is currently one of the richest men in the Bahamas.

Now, he's making a career out of religious fraud.

Ellis has paid some disreputable little school in the US to give him a meaningless "doctors" degree, so he can look as if he can actually read and write, which I understand he can not.

Ellis was bestowed a useless Doctorate of Divinity degree during another of his staged events on Sunday.

"Dr." Ellis was recognized by St. Thomas Christian College, Jacksonville, Fla., a little known institution that gives out degrees to anyone who will pay for them.

"Wow!" exclaimed the religious fraud who has bilked thousands of Bahamians out of their retirement funds.

Ellis, whom it is believed is provoked by Satan, mumbled some other garbage while accepting his meaningless degree, but no one paid attention.

College President Dr. Zameiko Jackson is obviouly naive, or just plain stupid, to be taken in by a con artist like Ellis.

St. Thomas Christian College should probably be investigated for money laundering. It appears that Mr. Ellis' normal avenue for laundering funds, the churches in New Orleans, were wiped out by Hurricane Katrina and now he needs a new avenue through which to funnel funds.

The Death of Journalism in the Bahamas

Journalism in the Bahamas is a lost art that seems to produce more press release garbage than actual news. Journalism, which writers should take pride in and print the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, is becoming irrelevant in the Bahamas, turning more or less into unreadable trash that should be used to make spitwads we can shoot at these so-called "journalists".

"(Journalism) is a job where your reputation in the field is at stake everyday. You have to be correct all of the time for your name to build both credibility and respect. The public is...depending on you." - Vanessa C. Rolle, The Nassau Guardian Lifestyle Editor, while addressing a group of 9th graders at Bahamas Academy of Seventh Day Adventists Thursday on the role of journalists.

"Responsible journalism demands that accuracy and factual information is given to the public." - The Nassau Guardian, January 30 2004

This morning, the Bahama Journal and the Nassau Guardian printed articles that nearly made me cough up my Frosted Flakes in disgust. Both of which were blatant lies, a trend that most Bahamian newspapers are becoming accustomed to. The first "article", a story from the Bahama Journal, bared a headline that read 'U.S. Ambassador Apologizes For Embarrassment Caused By Drug List'. The headline couldn't be any further from the actual content of the article. The U.S. Ambassador didn't apologize for the embarrassment. His exact words were "I apologize, madam deputy prime minister, if this report caused any concern about the close relationship [between our countries] or the progress being made, because that was not the intent."

That doesn't sound like he apologized for any embarrassment. It sounded more like sympathy that an apology. The Bahama Journal took that quote and twisted it into an eye-catching headline, which it was. But, to follow it up with nearly 20 paragraphs that makes the headline a lie made me feel sorry for the poor Bahamians who only read the headlines. If you're going to print garbage, at least make the article short. That way we can throw it out faster.

A prime example of quick, written garbage came from the Nassau Guardian, the self-proclaimed 'National Newspaper of The Bahamas'. The headline read 'Heavy Trading At BISX (Bahamas International Stock Exchange)'. As a 'Wall Street' movie buff, I decided to read the article. The opening sentence starts with 'Investors were busy yesterday, making 11 trades...' I stopped reading immediately. Are you kidding me? 11 trades is busy? Could the headline to the article be any further from the truth? The worst stock broker in America/the world makes 11 trades on a bad day. If 11 trades is busy, then what's slow? No trades? Zero trades in one day is unheard of in any stock market. A more proper headline might have been , "BISX Sees Increased Activity", or something like that. To suggest that 11 trades is "busy" makes a mockery of the stock trading industry, no matter what exchange it occurs on. But, as they say, only in the Bahamas...

Every time you open a Bahamian newspaper the headlines makes the stories seem better than they are, while the content of the article contradicts everything the headline said. Is that honest journalism or misleading propaganda? The point of journalism is to inform readers and make them more knowledgeable. By printing lies at the top of every story, the Bahama Journal and the Nassau Guardian make journalism in the Bahamas look bad, because of their careless reporting and their inept attempts to make the Bahamas look better than it really is.

The quotes I provided at the top of the story summarize the Bahamian media simply. If the writers who write this garbage lie to school kids regarding their commitment to good journalism, do you think that the stories they produce are going to provide the reader with anything relevant? Are we really better off not being snowballed or do these newspapers truly believe their readers are stupid? One writer's garbage can never become one reader's treasure. No, I take that back. It can be a treasure.

When I run out of toilet paper.

The Writing on the Walls

Every morning I wake up early and sluggishly drive to the nearest super market to grab a fresh stack of Bahamian newspapers. Usually, I come back with a collection of tasteful stories and entertaining articles that ride shotgun, bringing home enough news stories to keep me occupied and up-to-date on what's going on around here.

Today, as I flipped through The Guardian, I found an odd (somewhat comical) two-page spread on an ongoing vandalism problem here in the Bahamas. The pictures associated with the story showed illiterate scribbling spray painted onto the sides of buildings. The Guardian then had the nerve to label this tacky act of vandalism "graffiti art".

Art? For them to call this "art" is like when Bahamian juries convict moral less, cold-blooded murderers of manslaughter. My point? It's a total perversion of the word and I'm offended that such "educated" writers at The Guardian wouldn't be able to distinguish between the two.

The story, which glared a bold black title of "Living in Graffiti Hell" came accompanied with two pictures, both of which don't even come close to graffiti art. One photo showed the words (yes, they were words, not art) like 'gun', 'dogs' and 'talaban', the latter of the three words spelled incorrectly. The other picture looked like mindless finger-paintings a first-grader would bring home to his mother after a day of arts and crafts. If I scribbled the date on the side of an abandoned building, would you call me a graffiti artist? No, you'd call me an idiot.

The Guardian also went to such lengths, to show what a problem this was, by claiming that "graffiti artists are turning street culture into a crime". Street culture? Since when does writing profanities in black spray paint qualify as street culture? And why would anyone ever associate that with Bahamian culture? When I think of Bahamian culture I think of Junkanoo, I think of the National Art Gallery, I think of the dynamic young Caribbean filmmakers featured at the Bahamas International Film Festival. Not some dime store hoodlums who spray paint the name of their baby's mama on the side of a department store.

If you want to see real graffiti art, go to New York, LA, Detroit or Chicago, Meccas of real street culture and graffiti art. Admire the beautiful murals that real artists spend countless hours on, to create a work of art, not just broken sentences and chicken scratches.

I wonder if the editors at The Guardian have ever witnessed graffiti hell. You want to see graffiti hell? Visit the Watts Section of Los Angeles where street gangs pride themselves in their urban art and can spark wars by spray painting the wrong design onto the wrong building. The Bahamas doesn't have "graffiti hell", they have a pack of punks with a mind for vandalism.

The term "graffiti art" wasn't originated until a legendary artist named Keith Hering decided to express his art on the New York subways. Up until that time, graffiti was just another form of vandalism and had never been really viewed as a new style of art. Hering, who passed away from AIDS in 1990, was responsible for more than 50 public artworks during a seven year span, in numerous cities around the world. His infamous "Crack is Wack" mural has become a landmark along New York’s FDR Drive. Hering is also responsible for a mural on the exterior of Necker Children’s Hospital in Paris, France, which celebrated the 100th anniversary of the Statue of Liberty. He also painted a historical mural on the western side of the Berlin Wall three years before its fall. Hering revolutionized graffiti (and urban art itself) and will go down in history as the originator of true graffiti art.

With that said, The Guardian should be ashamed to publish such irresponsible journalism and the Bahamian media should start calling a spade a spade. Whether the topic focuses on reckless acts of vandalism or pre-meditated murder passing as manslaughter, the media, the watchdog for truth in any democratic society, shouldn't try to call something by another name. You'd be offended if someone repeatedly called you by the wrong name, wouldn't you?

The Bahamian media, The Guardian especially, needs to step up the quality of their journalism and realize that hiding the truth and sugarcoating the news only works in communist countries. So please, step up your reporting. Of course, if you don't, I won't have to drive to the supermarket to pick up The Guardian anymore. I can just read the garbage scribbled on the side of an abandoned daycare centre, call it news, and save myself a few bucks a week.

Cinema in Paradise

After spending Saturday night at the second annual Bahamas International Film Festival fundraiser, at Peter Nygard's mind-blowing 150,000-square-foot estate, I've come to three conclusions: One, it would take MTV Cribs one week to show Nygard's pad. Two, middle-aged men have no business dancing to techno music and three Frank E. Flowers is the rising son of Caribbean film.

Of my three conclusions, the third one seemed to be in everyone's mind. Frank E. Flowers showcased his latest (and first feature length) film, 'Haven' on Saturday. It blew my mind. I had seen Frank E.'s short film, 'Swallow', and I was also impressed. To see Flowers go from a film major at USC to signing a contract for his next film, 'The Trespasser' - with 20th Century Fox, brings hope and light to Caribbean filmmakers.

Another plus for anyone in the islands trying to make films: Leslie Vanderpool, the founder of the film festival, announced that Spike Lee will head a Filmmakers Residency Programme that starts on December 9. More on that as it develops.

Although the fundraiser was plagued by heavy rain and a crowded bar (35 minutes for a rum and Coke? What is this? A soup kitchen?), I had a blast. Just to be able to see Frank E. Flowers' newest film, then talk to him afterwards made my night. Plus, seeing the beautiful Zoe Saldana didn't hurt either.

So despite being crammed under the overhang at the Lyford Cay City Market for half an hour, then waiting even longer for a drink (it's just Coca-Cola and rum guys...), it was all worth it, being able to spend a few hours at Nygard Cay and watching a great film by the next great filmmaker.

So you want more information? Check out the Bahamas International Film Festival.

Stop Singing and Donate Cash Instead

And while I am on the subject, I don't think much of the way celebrities exploit human tragedies either. Live Aid may have been noble and so was Michael Jackson's initial appeal for worldwide attention and assistance with "We Are The World."

His latest effort smacks of a publicity stunt to get back in good graces with the record buying public. Besides, much of the money that is raised from the proceeds of such celebrity charity efforts go to the corporations and people involved in producing and promoting the projects. Notice how they always say the "profits" will be donated to the cause. What profits?

This is the entertainment industry. These are the same people who, year after year, despite taking in billions, are always crying about losing money because of "production expenses".

It's almost as if they organize these "charitable events" to promote their crop of celebrities and rake in some cash, to keep their production facilities busy in-between other commercial projects.

They could just donate money instead. Like I did, and thousands of other truly concerned people did.

If Michael Jackson really wants to help Hurricane Katrina victims, he should let them stay at one of his many luxury properties. Or, he could sell his Beatles catalog to that "monster" from Sony and give half to the hurricane relief fund. The other half, he could invest in Bahrainian government investments and he'd never have to sing again.

A Pair of Jokers

Bahamians Frankie Wilson and Neil Ellis appear to be trying to cash in on the misfortunes of Hurricane Katrina victims. Their proposed "fundraiser" is quite possibly nothing but a publicity stunt and perhaps even a way for them to make some fast cash.

These two have individual net worths amounting to millions of dollars. Frankie claims to be worth $200 million alone. Why do they need help from other Bahamians to contribute money to hurricane victims? All they need to do is write a check. In fact, it takes less of their time and effort to just reach into their own pockets, than it does for them to orgainze a big hullabaloo in an effort to extract cash from the very people they have spent years milking dry. The hurricane victims would get relief faster, too, if these jokers would just pony up today.

Both of these men have questionable reputations. Frankie is nicknamed "the snake" for his unethical business dealings. Neil is an alleged con-artist - turned preacher - who bilks money from hard-working Bahamians to support his anything but Christ-like lifestyle. It looks like both of them see this fundraiser as an opportunity to polish their terribly tarnished public image.

They may also be able to skim a few bucks for themselves. Neither one has ever responsibly accounted for the funds they have been charged with and both have allegedly been involved in questionable financial transactions.

There is little that these two scoundrels have ever done that hasn't deserved scrutiny and this latest scheme isn't any different.

Bahamas Government Admits Cronyism

Minister of Education Alfred Sears was recently addressing a Town Meeting in San Salvador, Bahamas, where he promised two new schools that will cost the government over $6 million dollars.

The education situation in San Salvador is appalling. Since the storms last year, the high school has been in a state of disrepair. The reason is thought to be due to incompetence on the part of the contractor. Many people thought the builder was hired only because of his strong PLP crony connections, rather than any real contracting experience.

Minister Sears admitted that was true, when he promised that, this time, the new schools would be built by the individual or company who is best qualified to perform the tasks.

"We are making corrections to a number of our schools in Nassau because contracts were given to people for political reasons who did not do an adequate job," admitted Sears.

More Rumours of a Cabinet Shuffle

Bahamas Prime Minister Perry Christie is supposedly planning a Cabinet shuffle at the end of this month. Apparently, up to 7 ministers may be moved or removed.

This is at least the third time that these rumours have surfaced so we aren't going to hold our breath. Mr. Chrisite also hinted at calling an early election in November, 2006, instead of waiting until mid-2007. But then , he says a lot of things that don't come to fruition, so...

Hopefully, if a shuffle takes place, it will relieve Alfred Sears of one of his two ministerial posts, so he can concentrate on doing one job well, rather than failing at both jobs. Sears is currently the Minister of Education and the Attorney General.

Religious Frauds Lose Churches in New Orleans

Bahamian con artist Neil Ellis, the religious rat who masquerades as a bishop, is trying to drum up money to keep his con game going.

Ellis is associated with a bunch of hypocrites and religious frauds in the US, headed by another self-appointed bishop named Paul Morton. These guys, and hundreds like them, enrich themselves by scamming naive innocent Christians out of their hard-earned money. They are the ultimate hypocrites and have a special place in hell waiting for them.

As tragic as the situation in New Orleans is, possibly the one good thing that came out of it, is that Paul Morton's scam operation was immobilized. Hurricane Katrina blew flood waters into New Orleans and washed away all of Morton's Full Gospel churches. Now, Morton and his 120 assistant con artists, who pose as reverends, have no place to run their con game from.

Hopefully, that will affect Neil Ellis' scam operation, here in the Bahamas, as well.

Praise the Lord!!!